Dad's Meditations - Reno Dads

Between 161AD and 180AD, Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius wrote down “things to one’s self,” which is now known as his book Meditations. It was a series of personal writings, 12 books to be precise, that reflected the emperor’s Stoic philosophy— a philosophy that believes practicing virtue is what’s necessary to achieve eudaemonia. Eudaemonia is commonly translated to “the life well lived,” “good spirit,” “happiness,” or “welfare”; however, Aristotle called eudaemonia the “highest human good”; it wasn’t just about feelings of happiness. Thus, Marcus Aurelius, not intending to publish his meditations, was simply writing down that which he thought would help him achieve eudaemonia or the life well lived. Naturally, the writings of a famed Roman Emperor wouldn’t stay stowed upon the dusty shelves of human history. They were bound to be made public. After all, the Roman historian Herodian once said of Marcus Aurelius, “He was concerned with all aspects of excellence, and in his love of ancient literature he was second to no man, Roman or Greek…” Thus, there was and still is much to learn from Marcus Aurelius’ Meditations. It’s one of my favorite books; one I frequently open, even if just to read a quick page or two of his wisdom. I may not be a full-fledged stoic, but I do believe that practicing virtue is what’s necessary to achieve some semblance of eudaemonia.

It was during a recent return trip to the pages of Meditations I started to think about my own philosophies about eudaemonia or a life well lived. Might my kids like to know what I believe about life, especially in the event of my untimely departure from this Earth? My own father died when I was seven, and just this past year in 2023, my step-father died. They were both good, God-fearing men who set a good example and had a “good spirit” about them. I wish I had their writings; I wish I knew more about what they believed about the life well lived. I wish I had a text from them to which I could return when I was looking for some guidance, insight, or strength. Sure, I have books from which I can glean much wisdom and knowledge (e.g., the Bible, Meditations, Rhetoric, Walden, The Essential Writings of Ralph Waldo Emerson, The Abolition of Man, and more), but these were written by others. I would love to have the words and ideas of those within my family tree. I wish I knew what the great patriarchs and matriarchs in my family thought about, from the mundane to the sacred. What wisdom was stored up in them and never made it out of their generation? What meditations did my bloodlines never put to pen that they should have? Thus, I found the genesis of this project: my meditations, my dad meditations. I wanted to record my thoughts about living well, or at least what has worked well for me as I have lived my 41 years of life so far. That way, my kids and even generations beyond them, can know some of what works and what doesn’t in the pursuit of “the life well lived,” the “good spirit,” “happiness,” or one’s general “welfare.”

As previously stated, I believe virtue is necessary to achieve eudaemonia, but make no mistake, I do not conceive of myself as the end-point upon which others should set their whole mark. I have been known to be impulsive, unreasonable, arrogant, or even an asshole, but I also try to keep those dragons at bay. I try to set a good example, especially for my kids. I want them to see the good in me and emulate it, but I also want them to see the grievous in me and learn to steer away from it. What follows, then, is a collection of those things, those small axioms, I believe help lubricate the machinery of living. Some of it I have read, heard, or witnessed; and some of it I have deduced from my own personal education and experience. I offer no sources other than myself since these are all internalized pieces of ideas collected over time. I am no Marcus Aurelius, but I do agree with him when he wrote, “The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts…” This Dad’s Meditations, then, is my effort, like Aurelius, to define and describe that which will improve the quality of thinking and subsequent living that goes on in my life and that of my children and family.

Lastly, I wrote most of these over the course of a year in 2023 at random moments on my phone while driving, hiking, or reading. I aimed at no chronology or theme; I only wrote something I thought was worthwhile as soon as it came to me. I considered having ChatGPT organize them thematically, but I opted against it since I wanted them written as they came to me— randomly. I also originally thought about trying to come up with 365 of these, one for each day of the year, but that felt forced on days when I didn’t have anything good to think or say, so I settled on 150; it’s undemanding and orderly, and I think is a good start for a life well lived.

Here is what I have to offer:

When shaking another’s hand, stand, grip firmly, make eye contact.
Hold doors open for others, even if they don’t appreciate it.
Spend time in the woods and listen carefully to it.
Your interior life needs to be richer than your exterior life.
Discouragement is often due to distraction, so learn to constantly refocus.
Confront your weaknesses and fears. Dragons are never slain by hiding from them.
Accept responsibility— there’s no other way you or the world improves.
Seek knowledge but pray for wisdom, because knowledge without wisdom is worthless.
Don’t just read, study—annotate, question, digest, connect, learn.
Be open to that which will improve you.
Read. Think. Write. It’s how we process the world.
Examine your life to become conscious of your various selves.
Select carefully your peers both from the present and from history.
Intimacy is spiritual, intellectual, emotional, and physical, and in that order.
Prioritize—first things must come first in your life.
God is real— draw close to Him.
Travel. A journey out is also a journey in.
Be an improvement upon every individual and environment you encounter.
Be content but always improve, managing the tension between the two.
Commune continuously with those you love and respect; you never know when you won’t have the chance.
Challenge yourself— you were made to do hard things.
Create. It’s intelligence at play.
Respect your elders—they’ve endured more than you’ll ever know.
Drink good coffee, whiskey, and wine and eat fine food as frequently as you can.
Find people with whom you can hold uninterrupted, interesting conversation; they will become a lifeline.
Learn from your family’s past and path— you are from Europe, Mexico, and America, and those places are rich in culture and history.
Work to be better, at least in some small way, than you were yesterday.
Get at least one good dog in your life; they’ll teach you how to be a better human being.
Save money every month; you must pay yourself, not just your bills.
The hallmark of intellectual maturity is being able to entertain and understand multiple and often competing ideas and not necessarily subscribing to any of them.
The ideas you subscribe to must be able to withstand scrutiny; otherwise, they are poor ideas, poorly held.
Make sure your mind is awake; you don’t have to be asleep to lose consciousness.
Don’t be afraid of what others think; your thoughts (and God’s) are the only ones that matter.
Merit is the measure used to gauge value in society, so whichever table you choose to sit at, be sure you bring something to it.
Be grateful for everything, the good and the bad, for only with gratitude is optimism, experience, and endurance sustainable.
Read the Bible—it will keep you from sin, and sin will keep you from it.
Diversify what you consume—food, music, literature, movies, and culture; there’s an education in all of it.
Fear not the opinions of others, but become the sort of person where others seek and respect your opinions.
Anger is just love disappointed, so when you find yourself angry, find the place of disappointment and troubleshoot it.
You are a force in this world— what kind of force is completely up to you.
Be zealously hospitable. Have others over—feed them, imbibe, converse, and serve. It’s how friendships endure.
Master the art of transformation and change, for they are life’s constant.
Pray— it’s the only way to learn how to ask, think, and feel properly.
There are dues to pay in all areas of life; work hard to pay them, and then command the respect due you for all payments made.
There are shallow pleasures and deep pleasures—find and favor the deep pleasures.
Continuously educate yourself. Ignorance, both willful and unintentional, is a path towards evil.
Find yourself, for you are worth being found. Then do those things that remind you of you.
Never give up what you want most for what you want now.
Give more than you take. Takers are everywhere; givers are rare.
Noble thinking begets noble deeds, so ennoble your mind and heart.
Don’t believe the colloquial lie that “people are mostly good,” for it masks the truth that people must be taught to be good. It is why scripture, law, and moral code exist— to teach. Be a student of who is good (Christ and anyone emulating Him) and what is good (Scripture and anything echoing it). We all “fall short…”, sin, and struggle; missing the mark is humanity’s default, but default settings can be changed with the right knowledge.
Be mindful— it’s the essence of engagement. Pay attention to what you pay attention to; actively notice new things about the things you have quit actively noticing.
Immerse yourself in the great literature of the world; it will equip you with the best questions and the most beautiful answers.
Events don’t dictate your feelings; how you choose to respond to events dictates your feelings.
There’s value in rules, routines, and self-regulation, for they’re the only road to goals and dreams being realized.
A day spent in nature is never a day wasted.
If you’re going to take the time to do anything, then take the time to do it well.
Stay curious across divides; you never know what you could learn, do, or be if you venture to those places or people with whom you clash.
Read history, not just the news, if you want to understand what’s really happening around you.
Exposing yourself to different, interesting people, not just information or education, is how you understand more of the world.
Buy a good pair of cowboy boots— they’re practical, fashionable, timeless, and they’re perfect for sneaking a whiskey flask into a theatre.
Be eternally curious—about people, places, the world, and your place in all of it.
You can die from a deficiency of opportunities, so work hard to create some for yourself.
You can die from an overdose of opportunities, so choose wisely between those you’ve worked hard for and those you didn’t.
Be sure your family and friends eat when your storehouse is full.
Cleanliness is next to godliness, so cleanse your body, mind, environment, and soul as often as you can.
Find the person, the place, and your passion that makes your desert bloom.
If you were the worst person you could be, so many people would suffer because of it; but if you were the best person you could be, so many people would benefit from it. Be a benefit.
Not everyone who is nice to you is your friend, and not everyone who is mean to you is your enemy. Wolves often masquerade in sheep’s clothing, and sheep often bark because of the number of wolves that have been biting.
Be willing to change your plans for people you care about, and one day they’ll be the sort of people who will change their plans for you.
Listening isn’t silent waiting; it’s showing people they matter.
Slay your own dragons; everyone else’s is not for you to fight.
It’s hard to feed someone else when you’re hungry, so fill your storehouse before you try to give to others.
Make time for your health, or you’ll make time for your illness.
Exercise— your mind in education, your body in nature, and your soul in the arms of your loved ones.
Read poetry, even if you don’t understand it; its veiled meanings will seep slowly into you, awaken your spirit, and make you remember things you’ve long forgotten and forget things you were never meant to know never know.
Learn how to take a punch to the face, to the heart, and to the gut; but also learn how to throw a punch, pull a punch, and avoid punching altogether.
Every new day is more valuable than the last, because tomorrow is never promised.
If you see a need, meet it: that is the essence of leadership.
Learn from your past, appreciate it, but don’t dwell there too long.
Take time to gaze at the stars; it’s the antidote to ego.
Be wary of the crowd; they’re one tyrant short of a mob.
Take road trips, eat in non-name cafes, drink in dive bars, converse with everyone; it’s how you get acquainted with America.
Lead through service and by example— all the books, courses, and seminars on leadership either steer you to or away from these original principles.
Learn to change a diaper, a tire, and your opinions— the road ahead gets harder if you can’t.
It’s not what you say; it’s how you say it.
If you buy cheap, you buy twice.
Understand the machinery of your own thinking—what fuels it, drives it, steers it, quickens it, slows it, and derails it.
Good things come to those who work, not just those who wait
Fidelity is lost through proxies, so live your life not through surrogate escapism but through meaning you make on your own.
It takes a man (or a woman) to raise a man (or a woman), so be sure you are one before you have one.
Conflict delayed is conflict multiplied.
Create—whether it’s art, ideas, or a family; it’s one of the ways we can be like God.
Work retail at least once in your life; you learn how to deal with people.
Give thoughtful, meaningful gifts; they let people know you appreciate and understand them.
Preserve and produce holiday traditions.
If you want to go quickly, go alone; if you want to go far, go together.
Be whole before you start a relationship; you can’t give to anyone if you don’t even know who you are or what you are about.
Find a get-to job, not just a got-to job, and even if you don’t find it, know that a job is a means to an end, not an end to a means.
Be tough for your family and friends, but be tender with them.
When cooking, season until you see it; don’t settle for bland food.
Sacrifice for the good of others; you won’t regret it.
There are no shortcuts to any place worth going.
Be the sort of person others know they can call on you for help anytime day or night; all other sorts aren’t worth a damn.
Never fear cognitive combat— embrace it; for how do you ever know if your ideas, values, and beliefs are worth anything if they’ve never been tested against those of others.
Be generous with your money and stingy with your time—you can make more of one, but not the other.
The more you learn to delay gratification the more controlled, qualified, and mature you become.
The laws of fiction and nonfiction are quite the same— compelling characters are dynamic: fighting their own hamartia, willing to go on a journey, and capable of change; conversely, uninteresting characters are static: committed to their own hamartia, rebelling against the journey before them, and incapable of change. Be dynamic.
You’re not truly free until you can think, believe, and speak freely, for they are the only way to truth—let no one infringe upon these fundamental rights.
Define your duties to God, to yourself, to your family, to your friends, to your community, and to others—and in that order, then uphold those duties come hell or high water.
Integrity, like the root “integer” indicates, is about being whole, so maintain honest continuity in who you are whether you’re before princes or paupers.
Finding meaning is predicated upon taking responsibility for more than just yourself.
A burden taken up voluntarily is far less stressful than the burden thrust upon you by force or necessity.
Be wary of people who don’t like dogs, and beware of people who dogs don’t like.
Seek silence— and the best place for it is deep in the snowy mountains.
Be resourceful— there’s always more available around you if you know where and how to look.
Spend time at sea; it will teach you about what it means to be shallow and what it means to be deep.
Whatever you start, finish it.
Don’t worry about being different; sheep all look alike, but they’re all lost until the wolfhound shows the way— confidently be the wolfhound.
There are great cathedrals high in the mountains, places where the trees, rocks, and streams beckon the soul and its creator; go there— walk, sit, listen, learn, and find yourself refreshed.
Don’t give in to self-doubt—your greatest supporter should be you.
Sing, even if you can’t carry a tune; song carries our emotions better than we can.
Spend as much time on the beach as you can, for even the edge of the ocean can wash away your worries and woes.
Whatever you believe in, believe with your whole heart; half-hearted beliefs are just doubts with a candy coating.
Man/ woman makes the clothes; clothes do not make the man/ woman, so be confident and commanding whether you’re dressed in silk or sackcloth.
Aim higher than you think you can go, and more often than not, you’ll get there.
Camp— sleeping under the stars is restorative.
Once you achieve a position or prestige, thank those who helped you achieve it, and help those who have not yet achieved it.
Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, for your reputation is who people think you are, but your character is who you really are.
Question everything, especially sacred beliefs and opinions, not just as a means of dissent, but as a means of discernment.
If a tradition trumps truth, it’s a harmful tradition.
Tinker— with wood, words, metal, paint, music, ideas, or art; it provides an avenue for expression you didn’t know you needed.
Speak your whole mind, even if your hand shakes and your voice cracks; it’s cowardice not to.
Make family meals around the table an unwavering custom and you’ll have an unwavering family.
Play sports—there’s almost no other way to learn to be a good sport.
Honor and respect those who are worthy of it; they’ll teach you how to be worthy of honor and respect yourself.
The primrose path is, more often than not, the wrong one, or at the bare minimum, it’s the least interesting one.
You either win or you learn.
The world cares not about your aspirations, but it will take note of your accomplishments.
Give to the poor. Their gratitude for our surplus reminds us to be grateful for our supply.
Tune your predilections and addictions towards healthy things, for if you don’t, the world will turn them towards unhealthy things.
Learn to be content— discontent will kill most good things in your life if you let it.
Manage the little things in your life well if you want to have any hope of managing the big things well.
Give your ear to everyone, but give your voice only to those who have earned it.
Move through life with strategy, not just emotion.
Go to college; it will open doors in the world and in your mind that would remain shut otherwise.
The best way to get to know a village, town, or city is to walk it.
Go to the theatre, the stand-up, and/or concerts as frequently as you can; there’s something sublime about public story and song.
When you’re hiking, and you should hike, take the essentials: water, jerky, a jacket, toilet paper, and an extra pair of socks.
Love, like courage, is a decision, not just a feeling; when you come to understand this, you’ll be able to love a person, place, or idea more than a holiday or a hunch could lead you to believe.

I have more to say, more to offer, but I’ll say it another time. Some may argue over the value of my words, but that’s for them to undertake on their own. I stand by what I’ve written and believe so far, and I leave it as a track record, so to speak, of how I have pursued being a better man in this world for myself, for my wife, and most importantly, for my children. They have pushed me to be the best version of myself in a way that nothing else has.

Jameson and Presley, you are my reason for fighting for my eudaemonia.