Don’t Be Blindsided by Divorce

Well really it’s our fault – after all we have been giving our husbands ultimatums since the day before they said “I do.” How can any of you possibly know that we really meant it this last time? 

Well guys, for those of you lucky enough not to walk in on your wife and her lover, allow me to reveal some of the signs that your wife is all too likely updating her single resume.

1. Her looks start changing… for the better.
I mean for real. I tried to tell you in my commercial. 

Women who plan to leave, usually start primping well before they go. Dropping weight, tightening up, tanning, new hair, new boobs – the works. I mean why not make you pay for a lift when having your kids wrecked the girls in the first place? The point is, if your wife starts physically transforming before your eyes, ask yourself, “how good has our marriage been in the last six months?”

2. She stops nagging, begging and trying to coerce you to do the things she has always demanded and pined for – like taking her on dates, drinking less, stop buying toys, to finish those projects she has been hounding you to do. Instead, she just gets meaner, making more snide remarks and starts speaking in absolutes, “don’t worry, I gave up… I know you’ll never bother… drink whatever you want, what does it matter… do whatever you want, you always do.” I cannot emphasize this point enough: these are signs of acceptance but not the kind you think – these are signs of the acceptance of the end of your marriage! 

3. Her friends and family start pulling back and disconnecting. Why? Because women talk! Trust me – you are the last to be told when the marriage is over. She tells her friends, family, even her kids – who are sometimes your kids – well before she finally tells you. 

4. She stops trying to make you happy. The sex stops, no more coffee in bed, your favorite meals fall out of rotation, she finds excuses to avoid your family and friends – especially the ones she never liked: that stray dog you forbade moves in…along with a feline playmate. Not exactly the “playmate” you were hoping for. 

If you’ve read this far and you aren’t sure or don’t know how to be sure, stay tuned because the next and final clue is the most easily verifiable:

5. Money goes missing! Debt increases and/ or spending habits change. In every marriage there is an “office manager” and a “bookkeeper” – often the same person. Like any partnership, that person has a fiduciary duty to the other and the household as a whole. But who oversees the work? Who ensures that the job is being done competently and honestly? If the answer is “no one”, then you’re entirely vulnerable to poor financial health and embezzlement.

The woman you married is not the woman you divorce, I assure you. In case my point hasn’t yet been made, let me state it clearly: Women divorce plan. In doing so, they often spend more, squander assets, secretly hide and shift money or assets, sabotage the family finances, quit acting with financial care, or any combination of these irreversible actions. Audit your books – routinely. Especially when your relationship is rocky. It’s not only a crucial business practice, but an essential marital routine. 

If you have found some combination of the other tips above to resonate true, you better be sitting down when you check your accounts. 

90% of divorces are filed by women but men don’t have to be blindsided, at least in the devastating financial ways. Be aware of these five signs that your wife just may be doing just that and react!

This article was contributed by divorce attorney Marilyn York.

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